Beauty sometimes emerges from tragedy. And I'm in the process of trying to find beauty in the world again. The past year was a whirlwind for everyone. For me it felt like a blur, like a truck hit me and left me almost unrecognisable. March used to be my happy month. My birthday is on the 17th. But within 30 days my whole world went upside down: I lost my mom to an excruciating 2 year battle against cancer, I left a very toxic job and started a new one, spent half of that month between flights and funerals only to go back to Rotterdam at the beginning of the lockdown and trying to keep my new job and pass the trial month.

What came in the months afterwards was an uphill battle against anxiety, depression and burnout. My mental health issues became my prison just as much as my four bedroom walls became my world during those long months of lockdown.

There were also beautiful moments and big successes. Ironically, during the worst year of my life, I found the most success in my whole career, both artistically and professionally. But that didn't matter that much, because when your mind is infected, the entire world feels numb, dull and hopeless. We are not only experiencing a viral pandemic, we are also experiencing a mental health pandemic. As invisible as it can.